Holiday wardrobe malfunction

Spectacular: Meeting Grampa at the airport, in your jammies, on Christmas morning.

Less than scintillating: Immediately before meeting Grampa at the airport on Christmas morning, discovering a hole in the crotch of your jammies.

Emmett's 2011 Christmas Carol

With the benefit of hindsight, the Ghost of Christmas Past gave Emmett's parents Peace On Earth. The Ghost of Christmas Present, by contrast, manifests itself as a high-output 2 year-old ripping it up at the mall with only a couple of shopping days to go. One can only imagine how things might have gone terribly wrong with an errant visit to Toys "R" Us.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

The Royal Tannenbaum

Despite an extensive tutorial on effective Christmas tree selection, Emmett, ever a fan of the underdog, instead develops an attachment to a festive stump.

Approximately 3 Minutes Inside The Head Of My 2 Year Old

Borrowed from writer and stand-up comedian Jason Good, because no parent can accurately express, in entirety, what it's like to live with a 2 year-old (if it were possible to accurately express what it's like to live with a 2 year-old, humans might have stopped having children long ago):

Each of these “emotions” lasts about 3 seconds.

1. I wanna play with Daddy’s phone.
2. I wanna put on Mommy’s shoes.
3. GET MOMMY’S SHOES OFF MY FEET NOW!
4. I wanna open and close the thermostat.
5. I wanna turn on and off the light on the microwave.
6. Is there anyone here with a phone I haven’t played with yet?
7. I NEED TO PUSH SOME GODDAMN BUTTONS.
8. I wanna pick up the cat by its head.
9. I wanna throw all the toothbrushes in the sink.
10. HOLY SHIT I’M STARVING.
11. CHEDDAR BUNNIES.
12. I HATE FRUIT.
13. I want out of my chair.
14. I wanna play with the iPad.
15. I wanna go outside. No, I wanna turn the heat on.
16. I wanna take my pants off.
17. I don’t like the shirt I’m wearing.
18. I wanna play with Mommy’s phone.
19. I NEED TO PUSH MORE BUTTONS NOW.
20. I’m thirsty.
21. No, not for that.
22. Yes, perfect, juicebox. I’m gonna squeeze this damn thing all over myself.
23. Where’s Daddy?
24. Where’s the cat?
25. Where’s Mommy?
26. SERIOUSLY WHERE’S MOMMY!?
27. Oh my God I think Mommy left forever.
28. Ok, there’s mommy. I want to play with her phone.
29. Hungry again. Never mind.
30. I just remembered not liking these pants. Get them off.
31. STOP TAKING OFF MY PANTS!
32. Wow, I’m starving. I want peas but I don’t know how to tell anyone.
33. Finally, peas. I like throwing these.
34. WHY DO I STILL HAVE THESE PANTS ON?
35. Oh look, a new person. I wonder if they have a phone.
36. I’m tired.
37. I’M NOT TIRED!
38. I wanna go for a walk but I don’t wanna go outside.
39. No, not inside either!
40. I need to push some buttons right now.
41. I hate this diaper.
42. My eyes itch.
43. WOW! Is this my toe?
44. STOP TRYING TO TAKE MY PANTS OFF!
45. I hate these pants.
46. This shirt itches.
47. I’m tired.
48. Stop asking me if I’m tired.
49. Where’s that toy that goes beep?
50. I wanna take a bath in my clothes.
51. Put on my favorite song.
52. Where’s the cat?
53. What is UP with my shirt?
54. Did I just hear a dog bark?
55. YOU DID NOT JUST TRY TO TAKE OFF MY SHIRT AGAIN!
56. I wanna see a dog.
57. No, not OUTSIDE! I wanna see a dog inside.
58. Is my penis still there? Good.
59. I peed.
60. I’m bored.

Repeat.

And for those who visit this blog just to catch a glimpse of Emmett, here's your token photos...taken while on a recent trip to Gramma and Poppa's. He tried to make a break for it...

Mo no mo

It took most of 30 days but, like many a mo sista, Emmett finally finds it in his heart to accept his dad's Movember moustache.

Up from the depths, 30 stories high

Scarcely one month after a monkey and his yellow-hatted friend terrorized the neighbourhood, a new destructive force appears on the horizon:

EMZILLA!

The Force is with you, young StranMcCann

With his dad drawing inspiration from a recent Volkswagen commercial, Emmett is introduced to his inner Jedi.

Picture day

Unlike last year's vegetable shortening fiasco, this year's school photographer did a much better job of capturing the real Emmett. Oh, except for the fact that he kind of resembles a door-to-door Bible salesman. That's new.

New house no longer looks like a warehouse

Moving house while trying to manage a two year-old? Totally do-able. Set a particularly long timeline, lower expectations significantly, and everything will appear to turn out okay.

In Emmett's world, one month has passed since moving day, and life has begun to take on a semblance of normalcy. Emmett remains remarkably unfazed by his parents' insistence that he spend a full month on safari in the Cardboard Jungle.

Emmett meets his new house

Though it still smells mildly of cat, Emmett puts a stamp of approval on his new house. Specifically, the backyard. As long as there is a ball in it.

Where's Uncle Blair?

We don't want to give it away but, let's just say that if Uncle Blair hasn't showered, Dalton McGuinty knows it.

Unlike Aunt Nancy's appearance on U.S. network television, this doesn't quite qualify Uncle Blair for superstardom. Almost, but not quite.

Twenty four months later

Images of 9/11 flood the news as the ten year anniversary is recognized and remembered. The missing B.C. boy is returned safely to his home, four days after he was abducted. Defending champion South Africa narrowly wins against Wales during the opening weekend of the Rugby World Cup in New Zealand. And Emmettilius stranmccannii celebrates his second birthday. At a bowling alley.

Nothing says birthday like lobbing a heavy ball down along hardwood floors. After learning about a kid friendly bowling alley from a homeless person on the train, Emmett's Dad thought it a great idea to celebrate the day at Let's Bowl. Equipped with bumpers for the gutters, child size shoes, a ramp for the bowling ball, and beer (for Auntie Clare), they gave it a try. Emmett scored a respectable 71, and shrieked with delight every time he rolled the ball. Much more fun than dodging moving boxes at home.

It took all day for Emmett to realize it was his birthday. Even with his parents prompting him..."Who's birthday is it today?", he didn't make the connection. "Ali!" he would yell. It wasn't until the birthday hats and cake were brought out that he finally yelled "Emmutt!", as they had pizza and cake in the park. (And yes, Emmett's Mom was NOT thinking when she bought sparklers for Emmett's cake. He was unsuccessful at blowing them out).

Happy Birthday Emmett. Let the terrible...er...terrific...twos begin...

Mobility quotient exponential increase 2.0

In eager anticipation of his second birthday, Emmett's parents hook him up with a sweet new ride.

It's not quite a carbon fibre time trial bike, but the incremental shift to three wheels is definitely a step in the right direction.

And that's the kind of day it's been

September 1st, 2011. The distracted driving law comes into effect in Alberta. No more cellphones when driving. The law also bans eating, teeth brushing, shaving, hair combing, writing, sketching, applying makeup and nose picking - all activities one would consider a distraction.

September 1st, 2011. No more analog signal for TV, as the switch is flipped to digital. Emmett and his parents lose the five channels that the rabbit ears brought in.

September 1st, 2011. Viewers watch as Lloyd Robertson bids farewell from the CTV anchor chair, after a 60 year career in TV, and 35 years with CTV. His is a voice that Emmett's Mom grew up with, watching Lloyd with her own Mom and Dad when she should have been in bed. Fortunately, Emmett's parents were able to watch the final broadcast through live stream and Mr. Internet.

And that's the kind of day it's been for this Thursday, September 1st. Goodnight.

The challenges of parenthood

Emmett's parents are still a little shaky after witnessing Emmett barf last night. Poor Emmett. He was just terrified. How do you explain barf to a two year old? It was his first time, and he did not understand what on earth was happening. Where did this come from? Why is Daddy breathing through his mouth instead of his nose? Why did Mommy run away? What IS this stuff anyways? He was up all night with repeat performances.

The good news is that he was fine in the morning.
His parents had to order triple espressos to get through the day.
The challenges of parenthood.

Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) they did not capture the event on film for the blog. So in the absence of photographic evidence (you're welcome!), they'll offer up an image of Emmett during a less traumatic time.

RIP Jack Layton

"Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world."

Strawberry snitching....er....picking

Take four kids and two Moms. Throw them all in a minivan. Drive them to The Jungle Farm for a day of strawberry picking (or in some cases, snitching).

Watch as the kids spend approximately three minutes in the strawberry fields before losing interest. Fortunately, the Jungle Farm is made for kids, with a pirate ship, train, race track, live tractor and lots of space to run around in.

The Moms pick like mad, taking the opportunity to catch up and snitch a few berries themselves.

The kids still take all the credit.
But that's okay. The Moms are happy...

and they all sit down to enjoy a picnic lunch before heading back to the city,

in an extremely quiet car.

Another great year of strawberry picking for Emmett's Mom.
(Special thanks to Molly, Eddie, Charlotte, and Natalie!)

Peas, Boppa, Peas!!!

While his Grampa teaches him how to shell fresh peas, Emmett perfects the art of eating them. Both shelled and unshelled. His 'Boppa', as Emmett has taken to calling him, takes it all in stride, and eventually, they strike a rhythm. Emmett passes Boppa the peas, Boppa shells them, and Emmett eats them.

Emmett and Grampa's inner child

With his two year old magic and energy, Emmett manages to coax Grampa's inner child to come out and play...

Huh? Yes, that's Grampa in the Hurricane Simulator, at the top of the Calgary Tower. One might ask, 'Where is Emmett? Is he hiding behind Grampa?' Nope, Grampa headed into the simulator on his own. (Emmett clearly has a knack for inspiring childlike behaviour!) More importantly, one might also ask, 'WHY is there a Hurricane Simulator in ALBERTA?'