Smiling monkey

Research suggests that a two week-old baby is too young to smile a true smile. However,similar to the infinite monkey theorem, a baby randomly combining all possible facial muscle movements for an infinite period of time will almost surely organize his facial movements into a given expression, such as a smile. And if you're patient enough with the camera, you will capture that expression. For example:

Reinforcements arrive!

Emmett and his parents rose early this morning to meet Nana and Grampa at the airport.

Emmett is currently adding 30-40 grams per day to his already monstrous physique. While sporting this impressive growth rate, it will be some time before he is equipped to properly shake Grampa's hand. Best guess is sometime between 2028 and 2033.

Strange affinity for people soup

"I'm so excited for you guys when he poops up to his neck."

That's what cousin Blake expressed to us back in June, having had the experience of a year with a baby of his own. Today, cousin Blake is excited, but not how you might expect.

Today was Emmett's bath day. Mom and Dad dutifully laid out towels, washcloths, soaps, filled the kitchen sink, and plunked him in. As washing proceedings began, Emmett reached the point of maximum relaxation. And then VOOM, he soiled the bath. Mom screamed. Dad rushed in. Emmett was oblivious. Mom and Dad emptied the sink, rinsed the chunks off Emmett, wrapped him in a dry towel, washed the sink, refilled it, and started over.



And then it happened again. Rinse. Wash. Repeat.

The third attempt (Mom and Dad acted quickly this time) yielded one clean child, and two traumatized parents.



Meconium was bad. This was worse. Only divine intervention will save Emmett's parents when he ups his game and finds a new way to unleash his wrath upon them.

Peeping tom squirrel stalks nursing mom

When Emmett is on sentry duty, all is quiet on the western front. When Emmett is on his lunch break, this is what happens:

But look out, squirrel. Once fully fed, Emmett puts on his game face. It's go time.

A career in the trucking industry?

Out for a walk on a beautiful autumn day, Emmett and his parents happened upon a monster truck event at Stampede Park. With tears in their eyes, Emmett's parents wondered if this might be the moment that would set the tone for the rest of his life. Would he grow up enjoying a life of adventure on the monster truck circuit?

Alas, Emmett conjured up little enthusiasm for the spectacle, and opportunity knocks but once. Poor little fellow, relegated to a life of relative obscurity in medicine, law, education, or municipal solid waste management.

Questions for a pediatrician

Dear Doctor,

We are new parents. We have never done this before. Our child is one week old and is acting strangely. At least, we think he's acting strangely. Can you answer a few questions for us?

(1) Is he supposed to periodically go cross-eyed?


(2) Should we be concerned if he appears to be too comfortable when he sleeps?


(3) Is it normal for a child to squeak (you may wish to turn up the volume on your speakers for this) when you administer his vitamin D drops?

Thank you in advance for your assistance.

Sincerely,
Mom and Dad

Two reasons to celebrate

Emmett showed little interest in the chocolate zucchini cake his dad baked today, but that didn't diminish two momentous occasions worthy of celebration: The one-week anniversary of his birth, and the triumphant return of his mom's ankles after several weeks on hiatus.

Emmett's mom's ankles on August 25 are on the left, Emmett's mom's ankles today are on the right: